Embryo Adoption Begins With One Question

It doesn’t matter what the question happens to be.

This is your journey. Ask what is on your heart and mind.

“What is it?”

“How did you do it?”

“What should my wife (or husband) and I know about it before moving forward?”

Dave Ramsey brilliantly describes our decision to get control of our money as a step toward changing our family tree.

The same could be said for embryo adoption.

Only in this case, you are changing three trees: your adopted child’s, your own and that of your placing family.

Did you know 80% of land-based biodiversity is in our world’s forests? When you choose embryo adoption, you are planting the seeds of a family forest.

How it grows is in God’s hands. Whether it grows at all is in yours.

Eat The Soup: How To Feed Your Children Without Compromising

Tonight for dinner, Julie has made chicken noodle soup with squash. She raised the important question of whether to include the squash at all, given that some of our boys have a proclivity to be picky.

After some discussion, we agreed that she would include the squash. She cut it up in big enough chunks that the boys can easily remove it if they so desire.

With food, as in life, the goal is to expose our children to new experiences without requiring full-body immersion. A taste of this. A try at that. A hint of the joys of the unknown frontier.

But at the end of the day, it’s squash. It is nutritious but not essential to a well-rounded diet.

Perhaps they will like it. And if not today, they will eventually come around.

Hypothetical Pro-Life Versus Pro-Choice Scenarios Will Get Us Nowhere

A commenter on social media recently attempted to toss a truth-bomb on a pro-life post. The post posed a hypothetical question that went something like this:

Suppose you suddenly find yourself in a room that has caught fire. There is a 6-year-old child in the room with you, and there are dozens of embryos in storage in the room next door. You can only save the child or the embryos. Which do you choose?

This scenario is intended to force you into a seemingly obvious conclusion: You should save the sentient 6-year-old who is screaming and crying and deserves a safe space. After all, his entire life stands before him. The embryos aren’t yet walking around, talking to others and forming relationships. How could you ignore the plight of the 6-year-old?

What this scenario ignores is the fact that all outcomes are tragic. Further, the scenario itself is unrealistic. Few youngsters I know spend their time adjacent to IVF clinics, where embryos are commonly held.

Further, embryos already are endangered before the fire even begins. Freezing and thawing can damage embryos to the point where they can no longer survive. Parents who choose to preserve their remaining embryos because they recognize each is a human life are to be commended. But even those parents are aware of the inherent risks of the preservation process.

Another social media comment on the same thread remarked that under Old Testament law, a pregnant woman’s child was designated as property in the sad event that the glancing blow of another landed upon the baby and killed him or her.

Let us be clear that there are various kinds of laws, some that carry more weight than others. Ancient law might have ascribed some type of material value to a child to compensate the family. Indeed, most embryo adoption contracts today identify embryos as property, not as people (there are a handful of notable state-level exceptions).

The more important distinction is made in moral law. In Jeremiah 1:5, we see God ascribes personhood to each of us before conception. In the Christian world, we often talk about the fact life begins at conception. In reality, our lives are crafted even before that point. Notice: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

It is a sobering reminder that hypothetical scenarios and verbal bomb-throwing are but a distraction from a larger issue: God crafts each person, and conception is merely the earthly marker of his or her arrival in our physical reality.

The 6-year-old and the embryos all have inherent value. There are dozens of moral lenses and frameworks we could use to “make the call” in the event of the fire, but any outcome that involves the life of any child — at any stage of development — ought to grieve us deeply.

If it does not, perhaps we have forgotten the higher calling of the moral law that guides our steps.

Embryo Adoption Happens Around The World

Chalk it up to my egocentric American way of thinking: I had no idea other countries had well-established embryo adoption programs.

Turns out, I was wrong. (Big surprise.)

This week, I had the pleasure of connecting via email and social media with the team at the Institut Marquès. They recently celebrated their 1,000th successful birth from embryo adoption, with clinics for embryo transfers in Spain and Ireland.

Then I ran across this past (admittedly a few years old) from the Embryo Adoption Awareness Center about couples exploring embryo adoption in Australia.

I’ll keep an eye on the names of countries whose residents are visiting my website and use that information to inform future posts on the ways other countries are approaching this critical issue.

Every life matters, and I’m delighted to see that hope for frozen embryos has spread so widely.

Making Sense of 'Mean Daddy' Syndrome

In recent weeks, a favorite retort of my three sons — the youngest two in particular — has become, “Mean Daddy.”

The translation is simple: “You did something I don’t like, and therefore you are dead to me.”

Probably not so harsh. But it has a purposeful bite to it.

This used to bother me. How dare you call me a mean daddy! Aren’t I good enough for you? Who pays for your food, clothing and shelter? You wouldn’t know “mean” if it jumped out from behind a corner!

Then I realized “Mean Daddy” has two sub-meanings that are more beneficial to your relationship as a parent. They are:

1. Discipline is tough, and I need a moment away from you to regroup.

2. I need you to coach me about why you made that decision because I don’t understand it.

Children are often more capable of understanding our rationale for a decision, even if they don’t like it. These days my response tends to be something along the lines of, “It’s OK if you think I’m a mean daddy, but I decided to tell you to stay out of the road to keep you safe and prevent you from being hit by a car.” Or whatever the case might be.

“Mean Daddy” used to hurt my feelings. Sometimes, it still does. But I’d encourage you to think of the accusation as a conversation starter — and an opportunity to showcase to your child your ability to love them and protect them before they enter the world as an adult and must do it on their own.

5 Incredible Embryo Adoption Statistics

The figures behind embryo adoption are surprising to many people. I count myself among them.

For example, did you know?

• There are an estimated 1 million frozen embryos in the U.S.

• Conservative estimates suggest there are 60,000 frozen embryos available for adoption right now in the U.S. (I would argue this number could be much higher if more couples were aware of this option)

• Some adoption agencies work on up to 100 placements of embryos annually, though no national data are kept to reflect total embryo adoptions

• The number of embryo transfers in the U.S. far exceeds the number of live babies born through those procedures

• Nightlight Christian Adoptions, the first U.S. agency to conduct embryo adoptions, has supported families in giving birth to nearly 600 embryo babies.

These statistics are incredible because they speak to the incredible odds embryo babies overcoming in being born into the world; the incredible love hundreds of parents have shown in placing their embryos; and the incredible opportunity to bring the joy of embryo adoption to more families.

Which of these statistics surprises you the most, and why? Share your reaction by posting a comment below.

One Brilliant Way To Calm A Fussy Baby

There’s nothing sadder than a fussing baby, particularly a little one who’s teething.

Phoebe is generally the calmest baby around, but those teeth are mighty painful.

Do you want to know a solution my wife shared with me the other day?

Take her outside.

It sounds ridiculously simple. Whether it’s the fresh air, the sounds of nature, the natural sunlight — it doesn’t really matter. The point is, almost without fail, bringing Phoebe outside changes her mood entirely.

That’s why I’m crafting this post with Phoebe on my chest. I’m using the side table on the gas grill as a standing desk.

How do you calm your baby? Share your tips by posting a comment below.

Why Parents Should Resume Dropped Personal Goals

In preparing for the launch of "Frozen, But Not Forgotten," some goals I set months ago have gone by the wayside. No more. This post is intended to push me (and you, I hope) to pick them up again.

You see, shiny objects tend to distract us. I'm not suggesting BHAGs (big, hairy, audacious goals) are trivial or unimportant. I'm simply advising you to go after greatness while remembering to take care of yourself and the promises you've made.

Case in point: Exercise and reading. 

I told myself earlier this year that I would run regularly. Julie advised that three days per week would be a great place to start. We purchased a used treadmill. I trucked it to the back door and managed to unload it single-handedly. (Miraculously, it didn't break apart on first use.)

The first few months of the year went really well. I killed it on the 30-minute marathons. 

Fast forward to now. I tend to walk fast to the bathroom. That's about it. 

I started to turn the corner this evening by picking up my 30-minute routine once again. I have no desire to run a marathon. I don't need to compete in an Iron Man. All I want is to survive to spend time with my family and my grandchildren into old age, assuming God graces me with the privilege. So exercise is important. 

The same is true for reading. It feeds my mind, challenges me to think strategically and in different ways, gives me the opportunity to peek inside brilliant minds. We joined the Ramsey Book Club this year, and it has been one of the best decisions we've made all year. I've got my eye on LeaderBox in 2019.

Here, I've done a little better. My reading has been intermittent at times. Work travel is a great way to get in extra reading. Having new and interesting books shipped directly to your home or e-reader is another necessary kick in the pants. 

What lost goals would you like to rediscover this new week? I encourage you to think about one thing you'd really like to change or do differently, and take a step toward that goal in the next seven days. It doesn't have to be ridiculous or help anyone else but yourself. 

Never forget: Before you became a parent, you were a unique and important person with hopes and dreams. You still are. And you don't have to sacrifice the best of yourself to ensure those around you are served well. All it takes is a little budgeting of time and effort to invest in yourself -- and in the activities that energize the other parts of your life, like parenting.

What will you do this next week to take a step toward a personal goal you've set? Share your plan by posting a comment below!

How To Avoid Adoption Panic

Last night, we informed Titus that it would be raining for the next few days because of the moisture pushing its way north from Tropical Depression Gordon.

"ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT?" responded Titus, his voice rising to a fever pitch. 

We explained that yes, this was the case. He continued to ask the question, increasingly panicked. We reassured him everything would be fine and that it would be a steady rain, not a violent storm.

You might experience the same sense of panic mixed with urgency along the road to adoption. I know I did. You aren't looking for reasons to worry, but those reasons arrive at your doorstep anyway:

• What if we never get through all of the paperwork?
• What if no placing family likes us enough to place embryos with us? 
• What if something bad happens and none of our embryos come to term?
• What if we never have the chance to meet the baby we've dreamed about?

These questions are terrifying, and they're normal. 

I want to reassure you and encourage you. Don't focus on the "What if?". Focus on the "What next?".

Keep moving forward. Draw strength from your spouse, your close friends and, above all, from God.

Yes, praying and asking for spiritual support only He can provide has become something of a cultural taboo. Ignore that, too. There are many occasions in life where the strength and support you need are supernatural, and no one I know can provide the same level of encouragement. 

Won't Embryo Adoption Encourage More Couples To Use IVF?

One of the most common criticisms of embryo adoption is this: If there is suddenly a surge in embryo adoptions, more couples will pursue in vitro fertilization. This is, of course, problematic for many Christian families. If IVF often results in the creation of more embryos than can be used -- and many that will not survive the process -- why encourage embryo adoption at all?

To me, this is unfortunate at best and heartbreaking at worst.

Let me explain why I hold this position. Julie and I have never experienced the devastation of infertility, nor have we had to consider all of our options for building a family. We had the choice of pursuing a family through conventional means and, more recently, embryo adoption. Thus, everything I am about to say should be read through the lens of that giant caveat.

I cannot envision that we would have pursued IVF personally knowing what I know now -- that many embryos do not survive the process or do not meet the highest quality standards, that many others are often frozen for future use (some placed for adoption, others perhaps not), that it can create an agonizing experience for families of remaining embryos.

But what I would do personally is, in my view, of no consequence here. Instead, consider these points that I believe are more pertinent to the discussion:

• Many couples who use IVF are unaware at the time that they will have remaining embryos.
• Couples from time immemorial have desired their own biological children, and I strongly suspect that desire will never change -- we simply have new technology that makes it feasible even in cases where couples cannot conceive.
• Each created embryo represents a human life, regardless of your position on IVF or family planning technology.

In this light, then, embryo adoption will never -- and should never -- become a massive untapped economic driver. Rather, embryo adoption is about honoring all life, even life we have created with technology that would have been unimaginable a generation ago. 

My (admittedly limited) experience suggests couples seeking to have a baby are not driven first by the notion that their remaining embryos can be placed with a loving family through adoption. That process alone can be emotionally grueling, and it often happens several years later. Instead, they are driven by the desire to build a family all their own.

I'm so very thankful adoption exists -- as are many families that have used IVF -- but the existence of the adoption option, at least anecdotally, is not encouraging higher IVF use. Instead, other factors are encouraging IVF, such as couples who are delaying having children until they are older. In other cases, scientists can't explain why infertility is increasingly an issue in western societies. 

These complex societal issues are overlaid with an even more complex moral and spiritual dimension. Many Christians understandably are wary of the embryo adoption topic. They fear encouraging the creation of human embryos outside of God-given natural means. 

All of this is to say that I believe Christians can adopt embryos in good conscience because IVF is a technology that will continue to be used by couples -- Christian and non-Christian alike -- regardless of your personal beliefs. And if embryos are created and frozen, human lives that could impact our world for good are awaiting families that can give them the best chance at life.

I empathize for my friends who don't believe embryo adoption should be promoted or encouraged. But as for me personally, I don't see any other way to raise awareness about our brothers and sisters whose lives have only just begun -- and whose lives will forever be on hold unless loving families, placing and adoptive, join arms to help them.

My Secret Parenting Safety Net

After a short but rewarding trip to Tennessee this weekend to visit our families, the Birts returned home last night and unpacked. Julie had no problem putting Phoebe to bed quickly, and the boys weren't far behind. 

Tonight, Julie felt under the weather and went to bed after dinner. The boys and I cleaned up after dinner, and Micah suggested we play a board game. Phoebe didn't appreciate being left out of the fun on her play mat, so I strapped her onto my chest with the baby carrier. She helped me think through the strategy of spinning the mini roulette wheel. 

The game led to "clean up toys time," then "dessert time," then "shower time." All of these must be listed in air quotes because I have found it is necessary to declare these verbally and clearly. Otherwise, one of your children might accuse you of engaging in a run-around to cheat them of their precious play time. 

I practically glided from one stop of the evening to the next not because I'm any good at it but because I had a safety net, and her name is Julie. Sure, she needed some extra rest tonight. But I had the comfort of knowing that one floor down, my wife is at the ready.

If only everyone had it so easy. It reminded me of the days in the past when I've been gone on business trips and Julie carried on without me, without complaining. I'm reminded that there are many single parents in the world, many military families worlds apart from their loved ones or far from home. The list goes on. 

Tonight, I'm counting my blessings for the safety net God gave me. There isn't a better one available, and I would do well to give her a break every now and then. I'm hopeful that the next time Julie catches a break, it isn't because of her health.

3 Ways to Prepare Your Kids for Vacation

During the back half of this year, we have several trips planned. So to make the most of our vacation experience -- and yours -- I thought I'd share some things that seem to work well for us. 

• Tell the kids they'll be staying at a hotel. The excitement of sleeping in a strange environment is hard to understate. Honestly, you could be staying at the Roach Motel and your children will probably think it's the Ritz-Carlton. Make the announcement approximately 48 hours before departure and hold their enthusiasm until you arrive. If the environment proves less than exciting upon arrival, well, you're already onsite. Too late to fret about it.
• Clean your car in advance. Julie had the brilliant idea two weekends ago of getting our vehicles spic and span. Few things stress me out too badly, but one of them is a cluttered car interior. The boys took turns vacuuming, putting toys back inside the house, removing trash and so on. Note: You'll want to do this several days before departure, as well. Junk has a way of multiplying behind your back.
• Buy a GPS. If you're going to be driving, a GPS is amazing. Your phone is great, but it can also be dangerous and unpredictable. GPS relies on satellite signals which you can (generally) get even in the middle of nowhere. Bonus points if you plug in your destinations in advance and can pull them up with a few clicks of a button. Double bonus points if your GPS avatar happens to be a slow and plodding tractor, which mine is, so your children can enjoy asking unending questions about how long it will be before you arrive. They will also ask why you chose a tractor, even if you have told them a thousand times.

That's all there is to it. Well, not exactly. I'm sure there are some other important details, such as packing the suitcases and ensuring all four children make it into the vehicle. But we can cover those another day.

Let the road tripping commence!

'Frozen, But Not Forgotten' Book Trailer and Website Launch

I'm so excited to announce that the "Frozen, But Not Forgotten" book trailer is now live, and so is my new author website. I want to thank Jerry McGlothlin and his team at Clean TV for the incredible trailer and Craig Carpenter at Christian Book Services for the awesome site. Great work!

You can give the trailer a watch here (and, of course, share it!):

There are an estimated 1 million frozen embryos in the U.S. These children can help change our world for the better. All they need is a chance at life. Learn how you can help in “Frozen, But Not Forgotten” publishing April 1, 2019, from Carpenter’s Son Publishing.

Here are a few other updates you might find helpful:

• Interested in joining my email list? Send me a note at nathanjbirt@gmail.com and I'll make sure you're added. You'll get the latest book updates without having to scroll your Facebook feed every day. I'm hoping to eventually add a widget that collects that information automatically and saves you the virtual postage.
• Bookmark the homepage or "like" my author page on Facebook for the latest blog updates. Now that I've got an official site, I'm going to say bon voyage to Blogger (though you'll still be able to catch all of my past posts here).
• I'm still seeking endorsements and would welcome your suggestions for pro-life leaders who might be interested in an early read of my book -- you can email me those at the above address. I've had the opportunity to interact with a lot of new people as part of this process and it's encouraging to meet like minded new friends. I even have the privilege of sharing my passion for embryo adoption with people who don't necessarily think it's the right thing to do, and that's OK, too. Free speech is a blessing.

Lastly, a question:

What embryo adoption or parenting question would you like me to address in upcoming blog posts? Share a comment below to let me know.