How To Avoid Adoption Panic

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Last night, we informed Titus that it would be raining for the next few days because of the moisture pushing its way north from Tropical Depression Gordon.

"ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT?" responded Titus, his voice rising to a fever pitch. 

We explained that yes, this was the case. He continued to ask the question, increasingly panicked. We reassured him everything would be fine and that it would be a steady rain, not a violent storm.

You might experience the same sense of panic mixed with urgency along the road to adoption. I know I did. You aren't looking for reasons to worry, but those reasons arrive at your doorstep anyway:

  • What if we never get through all of the paperwork?
  • What if no placing family likes us enough to place embryos with us? 
  • What if something bad happens and none of our embryos come to term?
  • What if we never have the chance to meet the baby we've dreamed about?

These questions are terrifying, and they're normal. 

I want to reassure you and encourage you. Don't focus on the "What if?". Focus on the "What next?".

Keep moving forward. Draw strength from your spouse, your close friends and, above all, from God.

Yes, praying and asking for spiritual support only He can provide has become something of a cultural taboo. Ignore that, too. There are many occasions in life where the strength and support you need are supernatural, and no one I know can provide the same level of encouragement. 

Won't Embryo Adoption Encourage More Couples To Use IVF?

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One of the most common criticisms of embryo adoption is this: If there is suddenly a surge in embryo adoptions, more couples will pursue in vitro fertilization. This is, of course, problematic for many Christian families. If IVF often results in the creation of more embryos than can be used -- and many that will not survive the process -- why encourage embryo adoption at all?

To me, this is unfortunate at best and heartbreaking at worst.

Let me explain why I hold this position. Julie and I have never experienced the devastation of infertility, nor have we had to consider all of our options for building a family. We had the choice of pursuing a family through conventional means and, more recently, embryo adoption. Thus, everything I am about to say should be read through the lens of that giant caveat.

I cannot envision that we would have pursued IVF personally knowing what I know now -- that many embryos do not survive the process or do not meet the highest quality standards, that many others are often frozen for future use (some placed for adoption, others perhaps not), that it can create an agonizing experience for families of remaining embryos.

But what I would do personally is, in my view, of no consequence here. Instead, consider these points that I believe are more pertinent to the discussion:

  • Many couples who use IVF are unaware at the time that they will have remaining embryos.
  • Couples from time immemorial have desired their own biological children, and I strongly suspect that desire will never change -- we simply have new technology that makes it feasible even in cases where couples cannot conceive.
  • Each created embryo represents a human life, regardless of your position on IVF or family planning technology.

In this light, then, embryo adoption will never -- and should never -- become a massive untapped economic driver. Rather, embryo adoption is about honoring all life, even life we have created with technology that would have been unimaginable a generation ago. 

My (admittedly limited) experience suggests couples seeking to have a baby are not driven first by the notion that their remaining embryos can be placed with a loving family through adoption. That process alone can be emotionally grueling, and it often happens several years later. Instead, they are driven by the desire to build a family all their own.

I'm so very thankful adoption exists -- as are many families that have used IVF -- but the existence of the adoption option, at least anecdotally, is not encouraging higher IVF use. Instead, other factors are encouraging IVF, such as couples who are delaying having children until they are older. In other cases, scientists can't explain why infertility is increasingly an issue in western societies. 

These complex societal issues are overlaid with an even more complex moral and spiritual dimension. Many Christians understandably are wary of the embryo adoption topic. They fear encouraging the creation of human embryos outside of God-given natural means. 

All of this is to say that I believe Christians can adopt embryos in good conscience because IVF is a technology that will continue to be used by couples -- Christian and non-Christian alike -- regardless of your personal beliefs. And if embryos are created and frozen, human lives that could impact our world for good are awaiting families that can give them the best chance at life.

I empathize for my friends who don't believe embryo adoption should be promoted or encouraged. But as for me personally, I don't see any other way to raise awareness about our brothers and sisters whose lives have only just begun -- and whose lives will forever be on hold unless loving families, placing and adoptive, join arms to help them.

My Secret Parenting Safety Net

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After a short but rewarding trip to Tennessee this weekend to visit our families, the Birts returned home last night and unpacked. Julie had no problem putting Phoebe to bed quickly, and the boys weren't far behind. 

Tonight, Julie felt under the weather and went to bed after dinner. The boys and I cleaned up after dinner, and Micah suggested we play a board game. Phoebe didn't appreciate being left out of the fun on her play mat, so I strapped her onto my chest with the baby carrier. She helped me think through the strategy of spinning the mini roulette wheel. 

The game led to "clean up toys time," then "dessert time," then "shower time." All of these must be listed in air quotes because I have found it is necessary to declare these verbally and clearly. Otherwise, one of your children might accuse you of engaging in a run-around to cheat them of their precious play time. 

I practically glided from one stop of the evening to the next not because I'm any good at it but because I had a safety net, and her name is Julie. Sure, she needed some extra rest tonight. But I had the comfort of knowing that one floor down, my wife is at the ready.

If only everyone had it so easy. It reminded me of the days in the past when I've been gone on business trips and Julie carried on without me, without complaining. I'm reminded that there are many single parents in the world, many military families worlds apart from their loved ones or far from home. The list goes on. 

Tonight, I'm counting my blessings for the safety net God gave me. There isn't a better one available, and I would do well to give her a break every now and then. I'm hopeful that the next time Julie catches a break, it isn't because of her health.

3 Ways to Prepare Your Kids for Vacation

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During the back half of this year, we have several trips planned. So to make the most of our vacation experience -- and yours -- I thought I'd share some things that seem to work well for us. 

  • Tell the kids they'll be staying at a hotel. The excitement of sleeping in a strange environment is hard to understate. Honestly, you could be staying at the Roach Motel and your children will probably think it's the Ritz-Carlton. Make the announcement approximately 48 hours before departure and hold their enthusiasm until you arrive. If the environment proves less than exciting upon arrival, well, you're already onsite. Too late to fret about it.
  • Clean your car in advance. Julie had the brilliant idea two weekends ago of getting our vehicles spic and span. Few things stress me out too badly, but one of them is a cluttered car interior. The boys took turns vacuuming, putting toys back inside the house, removing trash and so on. Note: You'll want to do this several days before departure, as well. Junk has a way of multiplying behind your back.
  • Buy a GPS. If you're going to be driving, a GPS is amazing. Your phone is great, but it can also be dangerous and unpredictable. GPS relies on satellite signals which you can (generally) get even in the middle of nowhere. Bonus points if you plug in your destinations in advance and can pull them up with a few clicks of a button. Double bonus points if your GPS avatar happens to be a slow and plodding tractor, which mine is, so your children can enjoy asking unending questions about how long it will be before you arrive. They will also ask why you chose a tractor, even if you have told them a thousand times.

That's all there is to it. Well, not exactly. I'm sure there are some other important details, such as packing the suitcases and ensuring all four children make it into the vehicle. But we can cover those another day.

Let the road tripping commence!

'Frozen, But Not Forgotten' Book Trailer and Website Launch

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I'm so excited to announce that the "Frozen, But Not Forgotten" book trailer is now live, and so is my new author website. I want to thank Jerry McGlothlin and his team at Clean TV for the incredible trailer and Craig Carpenter at Christian Book Services for the awesome site. Great work!

You can give the trailer a watch here (and, of course, share it!):

There are an estimated 1 million frozen embryos in the U.S. These children can help change our world for the better. All they need is a chance at life. Learn how you can help in “Frozen, But Not Forgotten” publishing April 1, 2019, from Carpenter’s Son Publishing.

Here are a few other updates you might find helpful:

  • Interested in joining my email list? Send me a note at nathanjbirt@gmail.com and I'll make sure you're added. You'll get the latest book updates without having to scroll your Facebook feed every day. I'm hoping to eventually add a widget that collects that information automatically and saves you the virtual postage.
  • Bookmark the homepage or "like" my author page on Facebook for the latest blog updates. Now that I've got an official site, I'm going to say bon voyage to Blogger (though you'll still be able to catch all of my past posts here).
  • I'm still seeking endorsements and would welcome your suggestions for pro-life leaders who might be interested in an early read of my book -- you can email me those at the above address. I've had the opportunity to interact with a lot of new people as part of this process and it's encouraging to meet like minded new friends. I even have the privilege of sharing my passion for embryo adoption with people who don't necessarily think it's the right thing to do, and that's OK, too. Free speech is a blessing.

Lastly, a question:

What embryo adoption or parenting question would you like me to address in upcoming blog posts? Share a comment below to let me know.